About this blog

I am Amy, but here on the web I go by A.J. Dub. And hey, I like to craft!
Sometimes things turn out well so I will share with you how I did it.
Sometimes they don't turn out well and I will share that with you too!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Misunderstandings, manners and courtesy

Something happening yesterday that is making a gray sort of mark on my world. I can't stop thinking and obsessing about it. I want to stop, move on. But I can't seem to do it. I keep going over and over it in my mind and getting more and more upset and frustrated over it. It was partly my fault and I certainly could have prevented it had I been a little more well mannered and less of a chicken. But talking to strangers is not a comfortable thing for me so I did something else. Here is what happened.

Yesterday my husband and I took a trip to Joann's to get fabric for my Halloween costume. I found what I needed and we headed to check out. We got in line behind a lady with a baby and toddler, right outside the shelves they have that "contain" the line. At first we were at one side (left), but my husband suggested that we step to the other side to let the line wrap the other direction, away from the main aisle way, along the magazine rack.. It seemed logical so we moved to the other side of the entrance to the checkout. The line was slow, so I leaned around to look at the magazines, but never left my place in line. ( My husband suggested later that this move made it seem were not actually in line.) When I leaned back, there were 2 ladies standing where we had just been, the other side (left) of the entrance to the checkout. Here is where I made my mistake. I should have spoken up and said something to them about where the end of the line was, behind us. But I did not. It became more and more obvious that when the line moved, they were going to go in front of us. I made up my mind to be assertive and take my place behind the mother and 2 children and not let them cut in front of us. Which I did when she moved forward into the aisle of shelving that we would be winding through.
When I did that one of the ladies said something to her companion like" well okay! Whatever!" and then her companion said something like " I guess they needed to go first!" or "are in a hurry" or something like that. My husband said something to them and I turned and said "we were here first' To which they responded laughing and said well we don't mind, we can stay all day."   My husband turned and called them liars (to my horror) and I told him to stop being rude. They continued being snarky for a few more seconds and then I just tried to block them out.

I was really upset by it,  my adrenaline was pumping and it bothered me for the most of the day. It certainly affected my mood for the remainder of the day. And now it is bothering me again.

What I keep obsessing about is, what I could have done differently? Why did I not tell them where the end of the line was? Why did they not ask if we were in line? Why did it matter so much that I go first? Why were they so rude? Why, why, why??!!

*SIGH*  I know part of the answer. I hate to be bullied, and walked all over. I spent a lot of my life giving in to everyone else to keep the peace, let them have their way. I got tired of it, of never doing what I wanted to do, never getting consideration from anyone else. So now, sometimes I have to NOT be bullied or pushed. It seems that was the case yesterday. And instead of making me happy and content to not be a pushover, I am miserable.
Next time, if there is one, I will let courtesy and kindness step forward, as I should, as I usually do, and not worry about being first.

Ladies, wherever you are, I apologize.

 

4 comments:

  1. I'm feeling your anxiety as I read this post. I know exactly how you feel. On one hand, it's like hey ladies, pay attention to the world around you! On the other, it's like oh - I'm sorry, it's no big deal, just go. I hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs. I also avoid the cutting counters at Joann's on the weekend! They are crazy busy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ugh! I've described myself as a "doormat" before, so I can relate. I guess with everything, we all have to pick our battles. I personally hate Jo-anns for that very reason... the way they herd you into that awful line. When they redid their stores that way, I think it was a bad mistake. Maybe writing to the company and complaining would help? Unfortunately, it's the only place I can get some things, like batting and notions. I purposely go to one in a small town vs the big city (both are an hour away), just to have fewer people in line... I'm so glad I don't have small children. I did write and complain years ago when my kids were little, about all of the candy and toys they have right at the check out, but as you can see, nothing changed ;-).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Amy, I know exactly what you're feeling. I have been there before. I am one of those "nice" people who sometimes just doesn't want to be pushed around anymore. You'd never guess it, but I'm a non-confrontational person and whenever I do decide to stand up for myself it often leaves me feeling guilty. You're not alone. Hang in there girl!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This happened to me at a store not too long ago. I also do not like to be bullied but *hate* confrontation and so will happily just let someone have their way rather than have a kerfuffle. Only, I must have been shooting out dark angry looks and the woman suddenly, for no obvious reason, turned 180 degrees around and looked at me and said, oh, I apologize. Were you in line? Please [gesturing ahead of her] go on ahead. She said it in this super-sweet, non-confrontational voice which totally disarmed me and I laughed (fakey-like) and said well yes, but you only have the one thing so please go ahead. Then later I totally beat myself up about it - why didn't I say why yes, I was here first just as kindly as her and step up? And was that super-sweet voice just a sarcastic statement about me being rude (though I swear I didn't say or do anything!) Anyway. Long story to agree - it is so hard to let stuff go, and to know what is the right thing to do once things have gone awry. Ugh!

    ReplyDelete